Friday, February 9, 2024

Life One: continued

The point about Harold Sr. being a serial diarist is that somewhere in a cardboard file box in my compact two-room apartment is a beautiful wooden box hand-made for me several years ago by my maternal cousin Karl Cring Ayers.  And in that beautiful wooden box are Harold Sr.'s set of five-year diaries, covering most of his life from teenage (or possibly pre-teenage) to late 1960 or early 1961.  Sadly his entries were few and far between in the months leading to his suicide on December 12, 1961, thus denying access to insights into his state of mind as his final decision approached.

For the purposes of describing my pre-life, Harold Sr.'s diary entries on and immediately following the death of his son Harold Jr. on January 15, 1957, are foundational.  I only recall reading the January 15th entries once, when I originally found the diaries while sorting through my mother's papers in the first year and a half after her death on December 25, 1996.   I remember my impressions of the entries rather than the entries themselves.  Harold Sr. was not given to verbosity, but I remember the January 15th entries as being especially spare.

I need to find Karl's beautiful handcrafted box and re-read those entries to write this chapter ...

 

Saturday, December 30, 2023

Life One: January 15, 1957 through December 1, 1957

[Very preliminary, rough and abbreviated draft]

 

Life One is more of a pre-life, in that it consisted of a tragic event and a very conscious decision on the part of its victims on how to respond to that event.
 
I had an older brother.  His name was Harold Jr.; he was named Hal.  He was born in Oak Park, Illinois on June 21, 1954.  He was adored and loved by all who knew him, but no more deeply than by his parents.  He was, by all accounts (friends as well as family), intelligent and even emotionally intuitive beyond his years.  Growing up, I could see in his photographs how arresting Hal's eyes and facial expressions were.  I could also see how special Hal was in the way others looked at him in photographs.

Hal died unexpectedly at age two and a half in Midland, Michigan on January 15, 1957, his father's 30th birthday.

For most of his life, Harold Sr. was a very disciplined diarist.  At an early age, he received his first diary:  a five-year edition in which one page was dedicated to each day of the year, and each page was divided into five sections, one for each of five years.

It is said there is no loss more profound for a parent than the death of a child.  I can attest to that, based on the effect it had on my mother for the remaining 40 years of her life.  It was even harder on my father, who took his own life less than five years after Hal's death.





Tuesday, November 7, 2023

Life Four: Summer 1965 to Summer 1966 (Pittsburgh)

 A rough first draft ...

The "golden year" of my childhood occurred at ages seven and eight, living in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, attending second grade at Regent Square Elementary School nestled along the eastern edge of Frick Park.

That year, the 1965-1966 academic year, my mother was serving as Staff and Training Officer for the University of Pittsburgh Library System.  After first grade in an extremely homogeneous elementary school near the West Virginia State Capitol in Charleston, I found myself dropped into a true melting pot of racial and socioeconomic diversity at my school, and a magical cornucopia of myriad cultures and ethnicities at my mother's workplace.  Akin to Dorothy's arrival in Oz, my comfortably monochrome existence in Charleston suddenly burst forth into majestic polychromatic adventure in Pittsburgh.  I was in paradise.

The University's Cathedral of Learning, a 42-story Gothic Revival skyscraper dating from the 1920s, was my Mecca:  the University Library (and my mother) shared the tower with classrooms (including the Nationality Rooms), laboratories, faculty, staff and administrative offices, and practically anything and everything else one could imagine.  As a seven- and eight-year-old, I was eventually trusted to occasionally take Pittsburgh's electric trolley cars from Regent Square down to Oakland after school.  I loved navigating the elevators and hallways and common spaces of the Cathedral with throngs of undergrad and grad students, teaching and research faculty, staff, and whomever else was passing through.  I felt very grown up, if slightly height-challenged (especially in crowded elevators).

I learned years later the "trust" that allowed me access to big-city public transportation was born of dire necessity, due to the difficulty my mother and other working mothers she knew had in finding and retaining qualified and reliable sitters for after-school hours.  I recall having a string of pleasant but mostly disengaged adult companions that year.  As an only child, I was well on my way to developing skills for safely entertaining myself, so to me, being occasionally left to my own devices after school was no big deal.  I had a key to our apartment, and a very kind elderly retired couple across the back alley to whom I knew I could appeal in time of need -- or simply stop by to visit.  In retrospect I can imagine the additional stress it must have imposed on my mother, however, often not being entirely sure where I might be, unless or until I popped into her office at Pitt, beaming after the trolley ride.


More to follow ...

Feline-osity

 Cats have nine lives.

I have had at least 14 lives so far.

Therefore I am at least 1.555555555555556 cats.

(And to think it took me two tries to pass Peter McCormick's introduction to logic course.)

Here are the lives I've delineated so far:

One: January 15, 1957 through December 1, 1957.
     (I was born Sunday morning, December 1, 1957.)
Two: December 1, 1957 to December 12, 1961.
     (My childhood ended sometime between 8:30 and 10:30 on Tuesday morning, December 12, 1961.)
Three:  December 12, 1961 to Summer 1965
Four:  Summer 1965 to Summer 1966
Five:  Summer 1966 to October 9, 1976
Six:  October 9, 1976 to Summer 1982
Seven:  Summer 1982 to January 8, 1986
Eight:  January 8, 1986 to July 8, 1989
Nine:  July 8, 1989 to December 25, 1996
Ten:  December 25, 1996 to January 23, 2005
Eleven:  January 23, 2005 to March 30, 2007
Twelve:  March 30, 2007 to January 1, 2012
Thirteen:  January 1, 2012 to July 16, 2013
Fourteen:  July 16, 2013 to

Male eclectic-osity

 e clec tic  adj.  Selecting or employing individual elements from a variety of sources, systems, or styles.

guy  n.  Informal  A man; fellow.